I heard we made out
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
