where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
