Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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