i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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