do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
