I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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