She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
