walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
