There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
