I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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