What did we do last night that was yellow?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You ate ashes out of my bong
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
