you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
