I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
