Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
