He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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