Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
