I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
