quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
