Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
