There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
