You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
