you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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