I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
