Plan B is the new Plan A
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
