R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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