You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
