4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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