We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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