i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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