Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
