I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just want nice things and good sex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
