I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
