I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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