i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
