He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
