It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
