party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
