I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
