I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
