Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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