she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
