Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
