I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
