I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
