This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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