i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
