I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
