We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
