Soap is not a condiment
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
