Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
