found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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