if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
