In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
