dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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