Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
