sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
