I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
