There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
