Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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