So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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