This is not my ceiling
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
