Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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