Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
