I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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