i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
